Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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