I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wear drunk well.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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