What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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