I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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