i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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