Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
