and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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