after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
