At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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