Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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