that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
