so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
