omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
