My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
