I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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