i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
