no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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