i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
