didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
