one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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