Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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