Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
