So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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