I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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