I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
