What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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