I'd wear matching sweaters with you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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