You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you win again, gameday.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
