Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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