whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
