Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.

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(347): View more from New York

i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties

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(816): View more from Missouri

normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

(812): View more from Indiana

I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

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(971): View more from Oregon

you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

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(831): View more from California

she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

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(406): View more from Montana

I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.

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(214): View more from Texas

I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.

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