If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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