i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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