The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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