cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
