Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Rumble strips road head = magical
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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