apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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