??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
