I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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