he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
