When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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