You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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