you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
