So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
