Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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