i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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