i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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