thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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