if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
