you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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