So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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