I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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