I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
