Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
