don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Mom said you looked used
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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