I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
