Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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