I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
