Sry I called you an 8
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
