these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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