This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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